Silent cries from smiling eyes

Dear me, I know things are rough. You are carrying emotions that feel overwhelming, unsure how to process them, and even facing the simple act of getting out of bed as a challenge. I need you to know that all of this is okay. It is perfectly acceptable to take time for yourself, to retreat and allow yourself the space to heal. It’s also okay if you’re unable to talk to others about your pain right now, and it’s even okay if you look inside and aren’t sure who you are at this moment.

There is something important I want you to recognize: when you do find yourself again, you won’t be the same person you lost when this all began. That version of you—she was younger, untouched by the losses you’ve now endured. She is no longer who you are, but rather a part of your past. The person you will become through this process will be older, wiser, more understanding, and so much stronger. The day is coming when you will emerge from your hiding place with parts of you that are healed, parts that bear scars, and perhaps some wounds that may never fully close—and that is okay.

The new you will be a beautifully broken version of yourself, shaped by the journey you have traveled. You should take pride in how far you have come. I can’t say exactly when this transformation will happen, but I know there will be a day when, without realizing it, you’ll find yourself doing ordinary things—sitting on the couch watching TV, reading a book on the porch. There will be a morning when the effort to shower will feel less daunting, and simply because you want to, you’ll choose to wear something “nice.” Getting your clothes dirty won’t bother you as much, even if you aren’t planning to leave the house.

Eventually, you’ll feel ready to turn your phone off vibrate, eager to be alerted when someone reaches out—and better yet, you’ll begin reaching out to family and friends yourself. There will be a milestone moment when someone asks, “How are you?” and for the first time in a long while, you’ll be able to reply honestly, “I’m doing good. I’m doing a lot better these days.”

Until that time arrives, give yourself grace. Those who love you will understand your need for time and space to heal. Don’t rush the process. There are still a few difficult chapters ahead on this journey, but after that, there are many more chapters waiting for you—ones you’ll write when you’re ready. One day, your silent cries will no longer speak louder than your smiling eyes.

Love always, Me