Medical Update and Medication Changes

I haven’t provided an update in a while, so let’s dive in. At my most recent doctor’s appointment, my depression medication was changed once again. Although the frequent changes might seem discouraging, this adjustment was genuinely for the best. The previous medication, instead of alleviating my symptoms, actually began to make things worse. Without going into too much detail, I reached a point where I had certain plans in place—plans that made the future uncertain. Thankfully, those feelings and intentions are no longer an issue. My new medication appears to be working much better, and I am starting to notice positive changes.

Productivity and Daily Challenges

Lately, I have found myself more productive with various tasks around my home. While the dishes and laundry are still piling up, I have managed to tackle other chores. This time, I am choosing not to be too hard on myself, recognizing the progress I am making elsewhere. One ongoing battle has been taking showers more frequently. With all the tasks I’m handling around the house, showering has become necessary—body sprays and dry shampoo simply can’t mask the results of my hard work (I admit, I laughed a bit while writing that). On a positive note, I managed to wash a load of bedding, which has created a small stockpile. Having clean bedding ready and waiting makes this task feel less overwhelming, and while there is still effort required, I feel more prepared.

Living with Depression: Learning and Acceptance

Despite years of coping with depression, I still haven’t mastered how to deal with it. Each day is a new opportunity to learn what will happen, what can make things easier, and how I can improve. I wish I could say I’m also learning what triggers my down moments, but unfortunately, I cannot. It’s rarely easy to identify a cause—a setback, a memory, a hard day, or a lost love. Often, depression arrives without warning; sometimes I wake up and, as soon as I open my eyes, the feeling is there. I didn’t dream about anything troubling, nor did I go to bed upset. It’s as if depression greets me with, “It’s that time again, dear, let’s shut out the world.”

Life would likely be easier if I could pinpoint the causes and avoid them, but perhaps life isn’t meant to be simple. I truly want to get better, but I am slowly accepting that this might be who I am. Still, there is a stubborn part inside me that refuses to settle, insisting that I’m still trying to find myself. Lately, there has been a lot of internal battling and back-and-forth, and I remain unsure which side will win. Stay tuned to see who shall win 😊.

As always, these are my silent cries from a woman who desperately wants to find her smile again.