Silent cries from smiling eyes

Today, I woke up with an overwhelming urge to write, something I haven’t done in quite some time. During my break from writing, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on who I am. One aspect of myself that I’ve often viewed as a weakness is my capacity to care and love so freely. This openness has led to heartbreak, as those feelings are rarely reciprocated, making me wish I could protect myself better—though I haven’t found the willpower to do so.

Recently, something happened that hurt me deeply, yet it also helped me realize that I actually appreciate this part of myself. Having experienced so much loss, I’ve learned not to leave things unsaid. Even if my feelings aren’t returned, at least the other person knows how I feel.

When I met someone who turned my world upside down, the connection was immediate and intense. For reasons I can’t explain, I trusted him completely, feeling utterly safe in his presence. I questioned whether what I felt was mere infatuation or genuine affection, but I discovered my feelings were real when he broke my heart. He didn’t intend to hurt me; sometimes, the people we love simply aren’t meant to love us back. The journey to realizing his feelings didn’t match mine taught me what I truly want and what’s been missing from my life.

Now, I look forward to the day I find my person—someone who returns that energy and connection. That, I believe, will be my epic love. Maybe I’m destined to keep learning life’s lessons through heartbreak, or perhaps I’m meant to find peace in solitude, with the comfort of having my bed to myself. Honestly, I’m unsure what the future holds or even what I want right now. Would it be incredible to experience genuine, lasting love? Absolutely. But can I also find happiness within myself and in being alone? With some work, yes, I think so.

Dealing with anxiety, depression, and pain is tough, and I do feel the urge to shield others from my struggles. Still, a part of me believes there might be someone out there who could be my calm, making those difficult moments less overwhelming. Either way, I’m committed to focusing on myself and loving who I am—because how can I expect someone else to love me if I don’t first love myself?

So, raise a glass, everyone—here’s to finding myself! These are my silent cries behind a determined yet broken-hearted smile.